It's October 8th, 5:45am and I wake up to someone pounding on our front door. "GO AWAY!" I yell in my head, "I still have like 30 minutes to sleep before I have to get up for class." Little did I know that this was about to change my life forever.
Ba Katie and Ba Janice eventually find their way in and make it to my bedside. "Petra, it's Katie. We need you to come to the Hamby, your mom is on the phone."
I knew something was wrong when I asked, "Is something wrong?" and no one answered as I pulled on my long purple skirt that I had thrown by my bed the night before.
Ba Jeremy met me at the door of the Hamby, led me to his office, and sat me down in his chair. He looked at me with heartbreak in his eyes. "Petra," he began,"your mom is going to call here in about a minute. I need you to prepare yourself for some disturbing news." I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. About 15 seconds later, the phone rang. "Petra, I need to tell you something that's very hard for me to say. You have people with you, right?"
"Yes, Mom."
"I love you very much, sweetie."
My heart felt like it was about to explode from how hard it was pounding.
"Your dad is no longer living."
My heart dropped. "What do you mean?! How did it happen?! What happened?!"
"He killed himself......"
My mind went blank. I couldn't say anything. The room felt like it was spinning and I felt like I could throw up at any second.
"I love you so much, sweetie. We've got to get you home. You'll be with me at 10:30 in the morning. They'll get you home, okay? I love you. See you soon."
The next few hours felt like days. I packed up all of my stuff, said my goodbyes and I was on the cruiser to the airport. From the moment I found out to the moment I was on the plane, prayers and songs did not cease from my group.
God was with me.
As I sat in my terminal in Livingstone waiting for my flight I opened one of the cards a team member had written and stuffed in my backpack for me to find. I began finding more and more cards. I couldn't hold back the tears.
God was with me.
I boarded my plane, found my seat, sat down and tried to go to sleep. It wasn't any use. As we took off, I stared out the window and said goodbye to the wonderful country I had grown to love in the short month and a half I had been there. The tears rolled. Since I couldn't sleep, I decided to read. Reading always makes me sleepy. I got my Bible out and began to read through scriptures my team members wrote in the cards they wrote me. Somehow they knew exactly what to write to give me comfort in this desperate time.
God was with me.
It seemed as though the 2 hour flight was not long enough to get all of the comfort I needed. I almost begged for more time on that plane, but I was so ready to get off. As I walked to my terminal, I felt like a zombie. I felt like I was the only one in the Johannesburg International Airport. I found myself mad at all of the shops I passed. Claiming to have authentic African merchandise. I couldn't help but just shake my head at every store I passed saying, "If only they knew." I finally found my terminal after about 10 minutes of walking. I sat down next to a place to charge my laptop, but quickly remembered I left my adapter in Zambia. As I went to get my laptop, I noticed the phone Jeremy had given me was ringing. It was my mom. It was so good to hear her voice, just the sound of it made my eyes well up. I told her I made it to my gate and the flight was fine. She then asked if I wanted to talk to Pierce, my older brother I hadn't talked to in about a month.
"Petra, I love you so much. We're going to get through this. I love you so much, Petra. I'll see you soon." That's pretty much all he could get out before the call dropped. I later found out that that phone wasn't even supposed to work because it had a Zambian sim card.
God was with me.
The 16 hour flight to Atlanta was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I got some sleep, not much, but at least it was some. Soon enough I was landing in Atlanta. I cleared customs without any trouble. The people were all so nice and the last thing they said before letting me go was, "Welcome back!" I found my next gate and plugged my laptop in to charge. As I was reading some of my messages on facebook I noticed a man sit down right in front of me.
"Why is this man sitting in front of me when clearly he can see that I'm upset AND there are SO many empty seats around?" I thought to myself. After a few seconds, I notice him lean forward. He tapped me on the knee. "What does this guy want?" I asked myself as I began to raise my head. When my eyes landed on his face, I was so confused but I immediately jumped up, threw my arms around him, and began to cry even harder. "What are you doing here?" I asked.
"I came to see you, silly!" said my cousin Eddie!
I could not believe it! We sat down, he called my mom and I got to talk to her for a few short minutes before I gave my attention back to Eddie and Ann. We talked about Zambia until it was time for me to board. They weren't even supposed to get through security.
God was with me.
My flight to Huntsville was the longest shortest flight I've ever been on. When we landed, I couldn't get off of that plane quicker. Walking through that tunnel seem like forever, but before I was out, I could see my mom and brother standing there waiting for me. They didn't even recognize me until I was right up on them. We embraced and I knew I was home. They, too, were not supposed to get through security.
God was with me.
I was dreading the next day, October 10th, my 20th birthday. As soon as I woke up, I checked facebook. One post after another saying, "Happy birthday!" Really, guys? You really think I can be happy when I just lost my father 3 days ago? HA! Good one. The day seemed to drag on forever, but things started going uphill when I went out to eat with my family. We laughed and had a good ole time all while eating my favorite, Mexican!
Later that night was when things completely turned around for me. Some people at Harding were meeting at 10 to have a prayer service for me and my family. I had the amazing blessing of being skyped in. Never in my life have I been so uplifted and felt God's presence than during that time. Somehow they knew exactly what songs were my favorites, even though I hadn't told anyone. They knew exactly what to pray to give me comfort and peace. People that don't even know me were there lifting my family and me up in prayer the the Healer and Comforter.
God was with me.
From this moment on I have continually felt God's presence. Yes, times are hard. Yes, I get overwhelmed with emotions and questions that will never be answered, but I know one thing that will remain. God's everlasting love for His children. I am so incredibly blessed to be a student at Harding University, but even more than that, I am SO blessed to be a child of God. He has understanding that surpasses all other and I will cling to that until the day I get to be with Him for eternity. I still have
much healing to do, but I know that...
God IS with me. Now and forever.
